Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
