I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
