Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
