Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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