I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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