i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize