you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
