At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
