Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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