Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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