Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
