Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
