He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
