hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So many bounce houses so little time
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
