just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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