If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
