just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
