He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
