I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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