I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
