I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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