She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
