I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
