i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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