with your own penis?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
