last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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