I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
