had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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