Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
