Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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