Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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