I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
