Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
