Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
