My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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