Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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