btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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