The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
