Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
