I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
