I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
