So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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