I got chris browned last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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