My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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