Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
