You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
