What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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