dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
