You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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