Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
