Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
