I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
