There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
