Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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