I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
