Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Found the puke drawer
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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