you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
