I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
