Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
