so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
