If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
