I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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