I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
