I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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