first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
